Ever since I was a little girl I have had this boundary set in my head. I told myself I would NEVER date someone in the military. After watching videos of people reuniting after months apart and witnessing my own family members be apart from each other, I did not want to go through that. I’ve heard horrible stories of cheating, and death, and miscommunication tearing these once wonderful relationships to shreds. Dating in the military is something I would not wish upon anyone. It takes a special person to go through this long adventure. It could be four to twenty years depending on what your significant other decides to do. No matter how long the pain of spending that time away is still real and genuine and hard. It is hard…
My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 and a half months and he is in the Air Force. As I am writing this he is currently in Basic. Lucky for me my boyfriend is only taking the four years and then he can come home, although he could still be called back at anytime after that for some amount of time (I don’t claim to know everything about the Military or the Air Force, these are just things I’ve been told.). Also, he doesn’t have a job where he gets deployed. I know how lucky I am and I am so grateful for that, but he is still away. He could be over-seas or thousands of miles away. I won’t get to have him hold me everyday, I won’t be able to smell him, I won’t be able to touch him. It will all be different. I chose to go through this though because he is the main reason for all my happiness. I can’t just let him go.
It wouldn’t be bad at all if I wasn’t his girlfriend. To people I’m at the bottom of the chain. I’m at the level of a friend. I have no privileges with him. I don’t have a military ID so I can’t stay with him or live with him. He can only see me for two days a month. If I die, he doesn’t even get the chance to come to my funeral. I’m practically nothing to people other than our families and him.
Here are some tips to help you get through the beginning of this adventure. Whether you have just found out he wants to join the military, you got together with a military man, or he’s about to leave for Basic these things may help you. They helped and are helping me:
I have searched far and wide for advice and stories about other women and men whose boyfriend or girlfriend is in the Air Force, or even the military in general. I have found so many things and they have helped me immensely and I’ve only been going through this for a few weeks. From doing this research I learned many things about Basic training and the Air Force. It helps me understand a little more about what is going on with him and what I am allowed to do.
I made sure to talk to my boyfriend about the recent events that we have to go through. Make sure you are open and honest with each other. Share your feelings but in a respectful way. He or she is scared and sad too.
Make plans with him or her. I made plans for the future like marriage and college. I also made plans with his family to make sure they realize that they are important to me as well. I go to all their family gatherings and dinners. Doing this will make it so that you both have goals together and you don’t just leave off empty and clueless.